BookRix

I like where this is going. Sounds like you have a direction in mind for the story. I like the descriptions of the Characters and the background scenery. It makes me feel like I am there.

Looking forward to reading more.

Still needs a Title. I will think about it, may make some suggestions, you can take or leave as you wish.

Keep up the good work :)

Perhaps you should look at this from the point of view of the servants.

The Prologue Is a fine outline for the beginning of the story. If you use it as an outline you can expand on all the other elements. Add Characters if you need to. Who are his servants? What are their characteristics? Who is the King? Why would he be in this situation?
Detailed descriptions of the background. Where exactly is the king? Where is his kingdom? What is it like?

As far as a title, "The King's dilemma!" or, "What to do with the King"

Just some "Random thoughts"

Hope this helps.

That was really nice, thank you for this... but I have to ask, how do you know my name?

Good of you to create this...prologue, Chris.
Let's start at ground zero, ok?
First. Have you outlined your story? I assume it is Fantasy. But, do you at least mentally have a beginning, middle, and an end? I read your work and thought not. It seems almost like Freewriting.
Secondly. You've written with a high degree of passion...and that's good...but the redundancies don't seem to work well for me. Lines five through seven seem to be overkill (although I think I understand why you kept pressing the pain issue). Think of trying this: Say in twenty words what you've said in...however many there are in this paragraph. Boil it down to the essentials, and then rebuild it in scene. Where are we, for example? If the lights flick off, we probably aren't in olden days.
I didn't smell or hear or feel...taste much of anything. Only saw, and that not clearly. Try to employ the senses, at least a few of them.
Prologues are dangerous if not written extremely well. Most agents, editors, and book doctors advise the new writer to shy away from them.

Title. That's a tough one. Wrack your brain for something that speaks to the most important aspect of the book...perhaps the protagonist? A simple first name, or full name? How about an aspect of the book that has great weight? A location, maybe in the book (story) that has real significaance. For example; in my book "Barnum Lake", the lake has TREMENDOUS significance, plus the cover hints at the climax. Use these tools when thinking up a title.

So...speak succinctly using strong verbs. Take us to scene (my opinion) quickly. Each word must make the sentence strong. Each sentence must lead us with ease into the next. Every paragraph must move the reader forward.