AAASSSHHHLLLEEEYYY!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO GET ON AND WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!
BEFORE MY MIND EXPLODES!!!!!!
Good job this is amazing..... Write more soon please
kay dokey!!!! thank you
This is a great book, I can't wait to read more :)
It was a pretty good story! There were quite a few errors in punctuation and capitalization starting with your introduction or preface and also within your story! You get those corrected and I do believe it will be much better! It was an impressive indite! :)
thank you. yes i havent really focused on the punctuation and spelling errors much since right now im just trying to plaster my ideas on paper
The premise is interesting, but my enthusiasm was immediately dampened by the fact that the very first paragraph has a comma splice. I know it's small, but it doesn't set a very good precedent. Beware of tense shifts, too. You alternate between past and present tense throughout the piece, and you wanna make sure to be consistent. Also beware of telling rather than showing. For example, you say she's a good climber, but I'd... Show more
ya sorry it isn't as polished as you hoped I am still only 13 and learning, but thank you so much these comments are the ones that help me learn
No worries. Don't take my post to mean that your story was bad; I just tend to talk more about what can be fixed as opposed to what's already decent. It seems more helpful. Keep writing, and you've got the potential to be great some day soon. :3
Wow, you are an amazing author! Are you going to keep writing, because this was so awesome! Please update soon! I really liked how you worded things, but there are some places where you don't capitalize correctly. I love futuristic stories, so this is awesome.
~silvereyes
yes I am not finished with the book yet and I won't be finished for a while and ya I will be sure to update you when I have the rest of the chapter up.
Yay!
hey Ashley i was also wondering if you could read my book, Golden door, Silver key, and maybe give some feedback? only 2 or 1 people gave me feedback, and im hoping to make it better! thx!! P.S also anyone can read it, and please leave feedback!!!!!!
okay when I find some free time that will be the first thing in my to do list.
thanks!!!!!
Ashley, i have to say ur book is amayzing, maybe add a little more detail about what the people look like, and wethir they live outside the wall or not. also maybe the ages of them (if u did sry, i tend to read to fast then the books awesome .'D!!!) and thx the story was really creative and dreamable!!!
did you read the update???!!!!!!?!?!??!?
yes, yes I did. now you need to add some more, so that I can enjoy your lovely writing talent.
ASHLEY WHERE ARE YOU?
haha ya sorry was it okay? i'm afraid i'm a little rusty having not written in a while?