BookRix

So cute

Please do kidnap the Sandy Claws from Nightmare before Christmas.

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this story was amazing you should write more , fell in love just wow i couldn't stop reading it was great

Never read anything like this before... Love this book!! Love everything about it!!

Amazing story i couldnt stop reading

It's quickly written, but pretty good. I'm having trouble reading the lines and dialogue because there is no indenting or paragraphing.

Instead of:
...I think she's weird. But in a way, she's nice. We didn't get homework, thank goodness. The bell finally rang, and I trudged towards the gym.

Try:
...I think she's weird. But in a way, she's nice.

We didn't get homework, thank goodness. The ball finally rang, and I trudged towards the gym.

Just remember the basics: (usually) four sentences in a paragraph, indenting the first sentence of a paragraph, the whole nine yards. The basics help me A LOT when I write. Hope these tips helped, and I hope you write some more. It's really good, and such a nice change from the usual depressingly sad, teenage-pregnancy run of the mill stories. Keep writing! :D

I appreciate the comment(: Thanks very much!!

most stories that i read about teenage pregnancies are sad and filled with terrible things. parents that disown their daughters, boyfriends who ditch them, friends who pretend they don't know them anymore... your story is so upbeat and positive. it really is the happiest story about teenage pregnancy that i've ever read. a little unrealistic, but good!

there are a few small mistakes, and here are a couple for example:

page 10
you wrote "defiantly" but you should have wrote "definitely"

page 12
you wrote "i shook my head" but you should have wrote "i nodded my head" shook usually means no, and nodded means yes.

page 19 "my day drug on" should be "my day dragged on" - drug only refers to drugs!

Please finish the book. It is really good.