(An Excerpt From My Book: WILL YOU MARRY ME)
THE PLACE OF TRUST IN MARRIAGE
Luke 12:1-3
1In the meantime, when there were gathered together an innumerable multitude of people, insomuch that they trode one upon another, he began to say unto his disciples first of all, Beware ye of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.
2 For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known.
3... Show more
(An Excerpt From My Book: WILL YOU MARRY ME)
THE PLACE OF TRUST IN MARRIAGE
Luke 12:1-3
1In the meantime, when there were gathered together an innumerable multitude of people, insomuch that they trode one upon another, he began to say unto his disciples first of all, Beware ye of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.
2 For there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; neither hid, that shall not be known.
3 Therefore whatsoever ye have spoken in darkness shall be heard in the light; and that which ye have spoken in the ear in closets shall be proclaimed upon the housetops.
Matthew 5:14-16
14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
Trust is the foundation of a relationship, and transparency is the currency of trust. Transparency is the open sharing of information among parties involved. I’ll start off by saying this: People prefer transparency in a relationship and a lack of transparency outside of that relationship. As transparency increases, trust increases, and the converse is also true. The word "transparent" in the Webster’s dictionary means to allow light to pass through so that objects behind can be distinctly seen. Think about this in terms of relationships you have.
Transparency with a lover builds trust. From the first date, you are opening communications and transparency, offering information and receiving information. As you become more transparent to your lover, trust increases, and the strength of the relationship increases. You share secrets, you share feelings, and in some cases you even share physical intimacy, which is as transparent as you can get on a physical level. Likewise, consider what happens when a relationship sours.
Often, a decline in transparency is the first indicator of trouble. “Where are you going?” “Out.” “Where were you last night?” “With friends.” As transparency declines, trust declines. In divorce court, they could easily rename “irreconcilable differences” with “lack of transparency” and 99% of the time it’d be more accurate.
Transparency outside of a relationship is bad. On a personal level, we call it airing dirty laundry. In the business world it is called security failure. Just as transparency inside a relationship builds trust, opacity to outsiders also builds trust. On a personal level, that’s called not kissing and telling. So the question you need to ask yourself that can I be transparent to this guy/gal? Because if you are not ready to that means you are not ready for marriage.
It is an accepted fact that people wants to be trusted especially in marriage relationship. And this cannot happen like that. Trust cannot be freely given it has be earned. Most times we fail in this area in our relationship because we freely give trust in the name of love but that’s not right, people should earn trust, they should prove themselves trustworthy. Trust is something that you must build into a relationship and then it needs to be valued and maintained.
Many couples are struggling with trust issues these days even when there is no tangible reason for mistrust. This is because trust involves a whole array of complex feelings like faith, belief, hope, conviction, confidence, expectation, dependence, and reliance. In other words, it is a huge emotional investment which, if abused, can increase you vulnerability to a lot of pain and heartache.
WHY IS TRUST SO IMPORTANT IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Our sense of security in a relationship is based on a foundation of mutual trust. In a mutually trusting environment we are free to be ourselves without feeling any need to guard our heart from possible treachery. This creates a perfect setting for complete unity and cooperation. When we feel safe and secure there is absolutely no need to hide our true feelings or raise our defenses. The walls come down and love expands
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On the other end of the spectrum, a lack of trust is akin to insecurity and vulnerability. In a relationship, there is nothing more corrosive than suspicion and distrust. It’s like a cancer that can easily grow out of control and consume the life and love right out of your once happy situation. How can you avoid slipping into this downward spiral?
INFUSE TRUST INTO THE FABRIC OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
As you can imagine, creating a mutually trusting relationship environment involves more than just avoiding obvious trust violations. Reassuring daily habits along with dependability and consistency all play a big roll. And while the dynamic of each couple is unique, there are still certain universal ground rules that aid in building trustworthiness into most relationships.
