eBooks „yeah“
113 eBooks were found for the search term „yeah“.
Kristjan Knall
Fuck Trump
Sind die Amis wirklich so bescheuert?
- Satire
- German
- 34606 Words
- Ages 10 and up
- 249
New York ist das Ostberlin der späten 80er-Jahre: Hier geht eine Ära zu Ende. Ein ausgehöhltes System ächzt dem Zusammenbruch entgegen.
Amerika, fuck yeah?
Ich kotze im Strahl: Kriege mit Bomben hier, Kriege mit Geld da, dazu eine den ganzen Planeten verseuchende Kultur. Regiert von einer Kleptokratie, die keine Gelegenheit auslässt, sich auf sich selbst einen runter zu holen - in Gottes Namen! Die USA sind der dicke fette Bully, der die internationale Gemeinschaft terrorisiert. Der 25% der Umweltgifte absondert und sich einen Scheiß darum schert. Der von Moral predigt und keine Titten im Fernsehen zeigt, aber armen Familien am Fließband die Eigenheime einkassiert. Der alle zwei Tage einen Neger abknallt und sich nicht vor Gerechtigkeit, sondern dem F- und dem N-Wort fürchtet. Was ist im Land, das die verlogene Werbeillusion erfunden hat, noch echt?
Wohin die Reise auch geht: Die Amis sind die Ersten. Sozialabbau? Hatten die schon in den 70ern. Marktliberalisierung und Aktien von der Kette lassen? Frühe 80er. Startupwahn? Mitte 90er. In den USA passiert alles einige Jahre früher als im Sidekick BRD. So lange Demokratie bedeutet alle 5 Jahre seinen Willen einzutüten wohnt die Zukunft an der Wall Street. Allein deswegen muss man hin. Wo sonst bekommst man die soziale Apokalypse mittendrin statt nur dabei?
Zuhause kann man dann schön klug scheißen und noch weniger tun. Elitärer Kulturfaschist auf Schadenfreudesafari reicht nicht. Klar wird es hässlich, klar wird es widerlich, klar wird es gefährlich. Aber man kann den Amis eins nicht vorwerfen: Phlegma. Wo in Villa Germania noch Diskurs poliert wird, wird in Villa Washington schon gefeiert – oder getötet. Das Geburtsland des Öls haute 2014 im Vorbeigehen das größte Solarkraftwerk der Welt raus: Everything is bigger and better in America. Der erste Prince from Bel White House erklärte die Kriege im Irak und Afghanistan für beendet, wie Profalla die die NSA-Affäre. Oder Hitler Polen.
Natürlich wurden die nur schlecht privatisiert und Soldaten gegen Söldner getauscht, aber die Geste zählt. Der Zeitgeist. Vor allem schafft es dieser Kulturbastard, Milliarden Menschen zu beeindrucken. In den Hinterzimmern thailändischer Massagesalons stiert einen Tony Montana an, durch die schwedische Taiga blubbert ein Chevrolet Caprice Classic `74, Coca Cola rettet einem als einzige Alternative zu tödlichem indischen Leitungswasser vor dem Verdursten. Wer sind diese Außerirdischen, wer sind die Amerikaner? So blöde wie Trump können sie nicht sein. Klar sind sie jetzt auf einem absteigenden Ast, aber Europa nicht? Vielleicht kann man von Amerika Versagen lernen.
"Warum also soll man sich mit einem weiteren dieser Autoren treffen? Zumal der Verlag auch nochselbst davor warnt.“
- Der Tagesspiegel, 19.3.2013.
„Fast durchgängige Meinung: Kristjan Knall hat einen Knall.“
- Berliner Kurier, 19.2.2013
„Vieles an Knalls Beschreibungen ist maßlos übertrieben und landet oft unter der Gürtelline.“
- Berliner Morgenpost, 24.3.16.
„Dass er in der Verkleidung wie eine jüngere Ausgabe von Helge Schneider wirkt, war ihm nicht bewusst, ist ihm aber recht.“
- Süddeutsche Zeitung, 28.11.14
„Im Online-Auftritt des Berliner Kuriers hinterlässt ein Leser am 18. Februar in der Kommentarspalte hinter dem Bericht über die Flaggenverbrennung folgende Nachricht: „Für den Vogel sollten wir Berliner sammeln, um ihm ein Ticket nach Russland zu spendieren, am besten dorthin, wo der Meteorit runtergekommen ist. Oder an die Elfenbeinküste, da kann er ja dann die Menschen weiter beleidigen. Mal sehen, was die dann mit ihm machen.“
- Cicero, 20.6.2013
Weiteres vom Meister des Abfucks:
Berlin zum Abkacken. Eulenspiegel, 2013111 Gründe Berlin zu hassen. Schwarzkopf, 2016
Stoppt die Klugscheißer!. Eulenspiegel, 2013
Europa ist geil, nur hier nicht. Eulenspiegel 2014
Edition Umsonst:
Fuck Berlin - A Not-Guide, 2022
Wir Lügner – wie Google uns uns entlarvt, Bookrix, 2017
Als Mehmet Yildiz: Neukölln, ein Frontbericht. Bookrix, 2017
IS-Idioten – was mal gesagt werden muss, Bookrix, 2017
Hassfick - Pick-Up Artists, Tinder, Liebe und Hass. Bookrix, 2016
Land ohne Eigenschaften - Eine Reise durch Dunkeldeutschland. Bookrix, 2016
Berliner Armee Fraktion - Der Kampf beginnt. Bookrix, 2016
Fuck Trump - Sind die Amis wirklich so bescheuert? Bookrix, 2015
Fake News – Zu schräg, um wahr zu sein?, Bookrix, 2015
Shitstorm - Der letzte Thriller. Bookrix, 2015
https://twitter.com/Kristjan_Knall
https://www.facebook.com/dakristjanknall/
dakristjanknall@gmx.net [more]
Keywords: New York, reiseführer, usa, satire, hass, humor, belletristik, extrem, abkotzen, wurst, trump, alternativ, links, jugendbuch, reisen, spaß, witz, thriller, mord, reportage, china, sex, katzen, zynisch, thompson, ellis, beat, jazz, philadelphia, schwarz, fergusson, king, englisch, rock, stanhope, comedy, tv, musik, blues, cadillac, ghetto, politik, sachbuch, auto, rad, reise, guide, anti, bericht, washington, obama, deutsch, transatlantsich, burger, döner, essen, erstaurant, bar, hotel, hostel, brooklyn, bronx, hipster, queens, baltimore, riot, drogen, polizei, alkohol, fuck [more]
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Kristjan Knall
Fuck Berlin
A Not-Guide
- Travel
- English
- 76795 Words
- Ages 16 and up
- 54
I am really sorry you live in Grimsby, the banlieue of Lyon, Podgorica or some other bumfuck nowhere. Which, at least from here in Berlin, is pretty much anywhere in the world. But guess what, Berlin is not a single fuck better. Actually, it's a shithole of epic proportions. Don't believe the hype, or you are going to be the fuckwit of the month. You won't earn money here, you won't have fun, in spite of the tons of drugs you will be taking, you will not meet your partner, soul-companion, no real friends, or even people who won't fuck you over at any given opportunity. You will be left as a bloated, syringe mark riddled corpse on the sidewalk best ignored, but most likely be pissed on by Berliners. And they won't even be drunk.
Now, don't get me wrong. This is not another racist pamphlet. They usually don't work out well in Germany. If anything, it's racist against Germans, and specifically, against Berliners. Thinking is the most unhealthy disease in the world, and people die of it just as they die of any disease. Luckily, in Berlin at any rate, thought is not catching. The fact is, they are the scum of the earth. If you stay here long enough, you will be too. 12 years, to be exact, and in Germany everything is exact. The reason? Don’t ask, you traitorous pig. Just follow orders.
How it got that way, is a bit of a mystery. An ugly, chaotic, but at times absurdly funny mystery. So, if there's any way you can be diverted from coming here, or at least don't want to fall that hard, read on and see what an admitted asshole Berliner has to say. What’s more, do you hate guide books? Good, because they are shit, unless you want to cue for hours at a fucking museum with thousands of people. Why is it that we always go to exhibitions, museums, historic sites and other crap that we wouldn’t even give a firstt glance at home? Because we are bored, we don’t know what to do, and where. So here is all the info you need to go to the dark corners, enjoy abject eccentricity, and get smashed like there is no tomorrow.
I’ve written a shitload of books about Berlin and way too often stammering twats come along and ask for an English version, while getting his purse nicked by a friend of mine. Don’t you get insulted enough? So, yeah, as we’re all so fucking international, here you have it, all unfiltered, all way too real. Oh, and be prepared to lose all your cushy illusions through vicious thoughts and obscenely strong language, you whiny little cunt.
Warum also soll man sich mit einem weiteren dieser Autoren treffen? Zumal der Verlag auch nochselbst davor warnt.“
- Der Tagesspiegel, 19.3.2013.
„Fast durchgängige Meinung: Kristjan Knall hat einen Knall.“
- Berliner Kurier, 19.2.2013
„Vieles an Knalls Beschreibungen ist maßlos übertrieben und landet oft unter der Gürtelline.“
- Berliner Morgenpost, 24.3.16.
„Dass er in der Verkleidung wie eine jüngere Ausgabe von Helge Schneider wirkt, war ihm nicht bewusst, ist ihm aber recht.“
- Süddeutsche Zeitung, 28.11.14
„Im Online-Auftritt des Berliner Kuriers hinterlässt ein Leser am 18. Februar in der Kommentarspalte hinter dem Bericht über die Flaggenverbrennung folgende Nachricht: „Für den Vogel sollten wir Berliner sammeln, um ihm ein Ticket nach Russland zu spendieren, am besten dorthin, wo der Meteorit runtergekommen ist. Oder an die Elfenbeinküste, da kann er ja dann die Menschen weiter beleidigen. Mal sehen, was die dann mit ihm machen.“
- Cicero, 20.6.2013
Weiteres vom Meister des Abfucks:
Berlin zum Abkacken. Eulenspiegel, 2013111 Gründe Berlin zu hassen. Schwarzkopf, 2016
Stoppt die Klugscheißer!. Eulenspiegel, 2013
Europa ist geil, nur hier nicht. Eulenspiegel 2014
Edition Umsonst:
Fuck Berlin - A Not-Guide, 2022
Wir Lügner – wie Google uns uns entlarvt, Bookrix, 2017
Als Mehmet Yildiz: Neukölln, ein Frontbericht. Bookrix, 2017
IS-Idioten – was mal gesagt werden muss, Bookrix, 2017
Hassfick - Pick-Up Artists, Tinder, Liebe und Hass. Bookrix, 2016
Land ohne Eigenschaften - Eine Reise durch Dunkeldeutschland. Bookrix, 2016
Berliner Armee Fraktion - Der Kampf beginnt. Bookrix, 2016
Fuck Trump - Sind die Amis wirklich so bescheuert? Bookrix, 2015
Fake News – Zu schräg, um wahr zu sein?, Bookrix, 2015
Shitstorm - Der letzte Thriller. Bookrix, 2015
https://twitter.com/Kristjan_Knall
https://www.facebook.com/dakristjanknall/
dakristjanknall@gmx.net
[more]
Keywords: Berlin, fuck, travel, art, punk, gender, kreuzberg, neukölln, tourist, club, bar, reise, döner, hostel, hotel, berghain, nazi, westberlin, drogen, festival, mafia, alkohol, esoterik, hispter, cafe, craft, kunst, satire, freidrichshain, mitte, wedding, schöneberg [more]
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Azeezat Oluwa
Broken Tales
Volume one in the Broken Tales Series
- Fantasy
- English
- 7694 Words
- Ages 14 and up
- 424
- 1
It has been three months since she died. 91 days, 2,184 hours I have not been taking it well. I refuse to get out of my room. Uncle Max tries to come in but I don’t let anybody in. I hear voices from down the hall. Uncle Max is talking to someone .
“ She won’t let anyone in,” Says Max.
“ Not even the boyfriend?” asked someone else.
“ Yeah,”
Someone very unfamiliar walks into the room. I throw my pillow at the person.
“ Go away,”
“ Makaila I am doctor Johnson,” He says.
“ What do you want,”
“ I want to help you get over her,”
Her. He was talking about Karla. Karla, Karla. All of a sudden the ground rushes to me, and the darkness rushes over me.
I wake up to an unfamiliar room. Has white walls,blue curtains. Something is hooked onto my hand and I hear beeping. I see Jason and Max standing in the corner. Jason walks over sensing I am awake.
“ Max can you please give us a minute,” Jason asked. Uncle Max just sighed and left the room.
“ Makaila, do you know how worried we were?” I didn’t answer. “ Hey listen to me. I will find who killed her”
“ Who?” I asked. “ Who killed my sister?”
“ Makaila calm down. Let me explain. So I was looking at the body,”
“ Wait,” I said. “ You were looking at the body. Did you open the casket,”
“ If that’s what you want to call it. Anyways I was looking at the body and I found what the police called ‘scratch marks ‘ were actually vampire teeth marks,”
My body froze. I couldn’t get the words right in my brain.
“ What?” I was very surprised.
“ Nobody in my family knows who killed her but it must be someone that has contact to your family,”
“ I don't know anybody who would do such a thing. I mean she was only seven. “Sometimes I wish I was the one that died and not my parents nor Karla,”
Jason held my face with both hands, “ Snap out of it Makaila. I would kill myself if something happened to you,”
“ Why would you kill yourself?”
“ Because I love you,” Suddenly he held my face with both hands and kissed me with joy I have never felt before..
I am going home today. Uncle Max is making me go to school tomorrow. I am still trying to get over Karla but, that can never happen. When we got home it was nighttime so I just went into my bathroom to get ready for bed and that is when I saw her. She looked perfect. Not like the last time I saw her. Her clothes were not spattered with blood. Her hair was not out of place. Her face was perfect.
Karla.
I screamed at the top of my lungs. My head was starting to hurt. It hurt more than a migraine. Like I was being stabbed in the stomach. The migraine stopped abruptly and she was gone. Max was by my side rocking me back and forth. I don't know how long we sat there . I must have fell asleep because when my alarm sounded I was in bed. I checked the time and it was seven. I quickly got ready for school. I did not even bother to straighten my hair. I left it in its curly self and got into the toyota. When I got to school there was a girl I have never seen before in my seat.
“ Excuse me. Hi,” I said. “ My name is Makaila,”
“ My name Isabella,” She said with a thick puerto rican accent.
“ Ok. We sort of have assigned seats and you would be seating in mine,”
“ Oh. I so sorry,” She said seating in the seat next to me . The bell indicating class has started rang.
“ Class today we are going to learn about integrals,” Everyone groaned.
The bell rang after 45 minutes of boring integrals. As I stood up I felt a tap on my shoulder.
“ Hi. Will you help me find my next class.” Isabella said as she handed me her schedule. I saw we had the same schedule.
“ What instrument do you play?” I asked noticing she also had orchestra.
“ Cello,” She said.
“ Cool I play the violin,”
We started walking down the hall. I felt arms around my waist.
“Hey,” I said turning to see Jason. “ Jason this is Isabella she is new,”
“ Hola,” Jason said to Isabella in fluent spanish.
“ Hola,” She said back. “ Como Estas? “
“ Bien. Y tu?” Jason said.
“ Bien,”
I just stood there like what the heck are they saying.
“ So Isabella how do you like the school so far?” I asked.
“ It is good. It is so big. Schools in puerto rico are not this big,”
The one minute bell rang. Jason gave me a quick peck on the lips and went the other way.
At the end of the day I grabbed my keys from my bag and started walking towards my car. As I was walking to my car there was the migraine again. I screamed and grabbed my hair. I dropped to my knees. I saw her at the window of my car. This time she was not alone . My parents were sitting next to her. I closed my eyes and reopened them. They were gone . Jason was next to me . Followed by Isabella, followed by the nurse. Jason helped me get up. Suddenly I noticed everyone was staring.
“ Are you okay?” The nurse asked, “ What happened?”
I took a deep breath. “ I don't know what happened. One minute I was walking to my car, the next I have this huge migraine,”
The nurse indicated for me to follow her. “ Follow me,”
She led me into her office . She indicated for me to sit down. I watched as she was typing something into her computer. She checked my blood pressure and my temperature . My bp was normal but, my temp was a little over 101.
“ Looks like you have a fever,” She said. “ I am gonna have to call your uncle to come pick you up,”
“ No. Thats okay. I can drive her,” Jason chimed in.
“ What about my car,”
“ Isabella will drive it,” I even forgot Isabella was in here .
“ Yes. I will drive your car,” Isabella said.
“ Okay It's settled then,” The nurse said picking up my printouts with medications to get.
When we got outside I asked Isabella for my car keys.
“ The nurse said Jason should drive you home,” she said.
“ Well In my car,” She handed over the keys. I handed it to Jason. We waved bye to Isabella and promised that she would pick me up up in the morning.
Jason and I got into the car. He started driving but he stopped at Mcdonalds. He pecked me on the lips and got out of the car and went around to open my door. So gentlemanly. We sat across from each other at a booth.
“ What are we doing here,” I asked as we settled in.
“ I know what happened was not because of a fever,”
“ Okay. This is not the first time it happened,”
“ What do you mean?”
“ I was in the bathroom. The day I got back from the hospital. I had saw her in the mirror. I had this migraine, like the one I just got. I saw her in the car window this time,”
“ Wow. I don't know what to say. What do you think it means?”
“ I don't know. I have never experience this. But get this, I saw my parents with her this time,” I said. I felt hot tears coming down. Jason got up and put his arms around me .
“ Hey. Its okay. Come on. I want to show you a place,” We went into my car and drove for what seems like an hour into a big high meadow. The snow was covering up a lot of the meadow. We got out of the car.
“ This place is beautiful,” I said breaking the silence . “You could see the whole city here . Places like the town center and the museum of art. I have always wanted to go to an art museum. Learn visual arts,”
“ We could go to the art museum. I can teach you how to draw and sketch thing,”
“ We can. I could teach you violin if you want. You know what's weird?”
“ What?” He asked.
“ We have been together for more than three months and we don't even know each other's birthday,”
“ Weird. Okay I will go first. Mine is in October. October 27th,”
“ Happy belated birthday,” I said. We were in February now. “ Mine was November 1st,”
“ Happy belated birthday too. How old are you?”
“ You don't ask a lady her age but, I just turned 18 so I am technically a legal adult. How old are you? In both vampire and human years,”
“ I am 22 in human years. I am 130 in vampire,”
“ Why are you in highschool?” I asked.
“ Because my parents wanted me to get a degree in college so I have to pass high school first,”
“ Oh. You know we have to start applying for college soon. “
“ I figured. What school were you thinking of? I was thinking SUU. Southern Utah University,”
“ Oh really? What does that have?” I asked.
“ It has theatre, dance, performing arts, and spanish,’’
He shrugged
‘’ I’m not sure yet which college i'm going to,’’
‘’ look at us we're talking about ‘school’ ‘
“ Do you always come here?” I asked. [more]
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