BookRix

I read it.

I enjoyed that short story i was done in about 30 mins very good do you have any more to read, I will love to read some more. Thank you Maxine

lol

with a little bit of help..okay a lot you could make some books im not a rude person so i won't write stuff like stupid!

dont like it could use some fixixng

do every one a favor and dont write any more books

this is the most stupid book i have ever read

I CANT READ IT CAUSE ITS X RATED SO THATS UR PROMBLEM

thanks guys

I have a bit of a problem with the bookix edit thingy one day I will work out how to use it. Timmi x

I agree with the comments below. There are some issues with editing, and a little confusion with the dialog (the bold print switching from speakers/thinking/description of settings). I also agree with Gino, that if this were cleaned-up it has a lot of potential to be made into something big (book/play/movie) for your target audience.
Once again, your dialog is very real for what you've written here...settings are very believable.
I personally think you're hilarious, and full of imagination :)

Good luck in the contest.

Robin