BookRix

Amazing story,one of the best I've read yet! It made my eyes leak but I was happy they were together x

Thank you very much! I wish I could get more readers.

I like it,this is trully hard core.

Just read your story. Loved the ending. That was really well done and easy to picture.

If you're alright with it, I wanted to give you a bit of advice. Actually, if you aren't okay with it, I'm still going to end up giving you advice. Now...before I piss you off, I'm not claiming to be a better writer or anything at all. Just wanted to help.

I think you could probably take a few things out of this story to shorten it and keep everything moving at a faster pace. The traveling between Terry's house and Tayla's house doesn't seem to advance the story much. Nor do Terry's feelings that he should have died that day. I think those two elements, which go hand in hand, could probably be removed and the story would still have the same impact.
Typically, on a short story, you want to try to avoid travel scenes, and just skip to the next part.

The last thing I wanted to say, and this is the most important of all, is to try and use awesome adverbs. This is something I struggle with. There were a few parts that really could have used some adverbs to make them clearer.

Example:

When the meteor hits and Terry blacks out, you say "something hit the ground." When you said this, I imagined something like a tree branch or a person falling out of a building. There's a big difference between saying something "thumped" against the ground and something "crashed" into the ground. You see? Try and use a more powerful word.

Another place that it could have been used is toward the end when the ground is "shaking." Maybe the ground could "rumble." or "quake."

That's my two cents. You tell a great story. Feel free to critique my story. I'd love to hear what other people think. I really need to know my weaknesses. Later man.

I completely agree it might not be traditional but that's what makes it so uneek. Its a wonderful ending and i beat you will never find one like it and yes i cried to but it made me smile that they were together in the end.

(p.s. you should write more you have an amazing talent)

OMG THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!! that was so emotional at the end.