Hi, Bek, I've read this piece and left comments, but for some strange reason, they are not showing up. The storyline is an interesting premise; I wonder if you are involved in the study of mind disorders. You step into that realm quite easily. I, too, love the intrigue of the recesses of the mind! A grand pursuit of unlimited possibilities. I have read this tale the second time and there are areas that need punctuation for... Show more
Your story kept me glued to every page. You did an excellent job of keeping the reader engaged and painted a vivid portrayal of someone with a mental disease. I agree with Wendy, though. Change the front cover picture to something more catchy. Good luck and congrats on another fine piece. Valerie
Thanks loads, Valerie. Yes, I'm questioning my taste, lol... in cover art. I thought this would work as it shows the police lights (bit of foreshadowing) and also the cutsie font that also indicate 'love'. All feedback welcome though. I've learned a lot from all of you.
Bek :)
You did a great job of capturing (and portraying) many symptoms of 'several' abnormal-psychology disorders Bek. "Bipolar disease" being the most obvious here. (I'm also working on a short story, with a severe 'manic/depressive' cycle. I'm waiting fr my next 'manic' episode to finish it..:).
This caught me by the throat from the very first page, and kept me going till the end. To me...this is your finest piece to date - and... Show more
Hi Robin,
Your comments are valued, especially so given you too are both talented and clued in on the craft. I am not always very confident in my writing so you have truly uplifted me today. Thanks for taking time to read my work and give me feedback.
Bek
Please read sad and not said in my writing here for you.
How said and worrying outcome of your hero,Orlando who could disturb Jen to the extent that she became a mental case.Sending her message from the cover of a magazine...and all other things are natural but to me that all is a sort of case study and does not fit into total creative experience for that you require some additional ideas and thoughts
Still the piece is interesting and the whole too
Ashok Aatreya
you either have a connection to someone or are studying psychology because you so easily transported us back into your other story 'Choking On Air' - very believable premise again as we revisit the world of the disconnected...great job in telling it ...Paula
Thanks for that Elizabeth. I have had my comments disappear on more than one occasion and you know me. I write lengthy feedback. So I've learned to copy my work before I press submit. It has saved me many times. Then if it disappears I paste it back in and it works the second... Show more
Thanks for that Elizabeth. I have had my comments disappear on more than one occasion and you know me. I write lengthy feedback. So I've learned to copy my work before I press submit. It has saved me many times. Then if it disappears I paste it back in and it works the second time.
I'll have another read. I thought I'd fixed the dialogue that was missing its closing quote, silly me. But I'm wondering on the comma rules. I know I was supposed to add commas just prior to 'too' and there were some other suggestions but maybe I don't know all the comma rules?
Bek :)
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