In order to get the kind of positive responses this kind of book deserves (the idea is really cute, as you say), since you're posting it in English, you need to get it edited by someone who is extremely familiar with both your native language and English. There are so many spelling and grammar errors, that it's hard to follow the story, but even so, I could tell it will be lovely to read once it's fixed. I've edited the blurb... Show more
In order to get the kind of positive responses this kind of book deserves (the idea is really cute, as you say), since you're posting it in English, you need to get it edited by someone who is extremely familiar with both your native language and English. There are so many spelling and grammar errors, that it's hard to follow the story, but even so, I could tell it will be lovely to read once it's fixed. I've edited the blurb for you so you can see some of the mistakes that occurred in translation. Are you using a translation app or program? Or are you doing this from your own knowledge of English? Unfortunately, translation programs rarely know how to adjust the grammar to fit the rules of the language into which a story is being translated. Anyway, here's the edit of the blurb, but I don't have the free time to edit the whole story right now. I'm sure you can find someone - maybe an English professor at a local school? Here's the blurb:
This is a cute love story about a cute, innocent girl. She goes to her new college where one boy is so so attracted to her because of her beauty, that he goes crazy for her. He wants her in his heart forever. But his best friend, who is also attracted to her, becomes so jealous that he kidnaps the girl so the boy who loved her first can't propose. Now the boy has to rescue her from his jealous friend - he must find her if there is ever to be a happy ending.
Okay, that's the basic edit, but there are some things I need to mention. First, you use too many pronouns. Give your characters names in the blurb so the reader knows who is doing what. Second, romantic fiction or not, there has to be some realistic logic in what you write. For instance, you never say if she even likes the guy or not. Just because he likes her doesn't mean they're going to have a relationship.
Next, if someone kidnaps a girl, the police are going to get involved, at least in English-speaking countries, so he can't just grab her like that. In fact, that's creepy. The other boy will not be looking for her himself, either. He'll have to get the cops involved because kidnapping is a felony.
And finally, when you write a blurb, don't tell your readers how it ends - that removes all suspense, and any reason they may have for wanting to read it. That's like telling someone the end of a movie before they go see it. There's a good chance the person will get mad at you for telling them, and not bother to watch it, lol.
I wish you the best with this; from what I could understand of it, the basic story line is great, and with a little work, you'll have a terrific book!
Thank you :)
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