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enjoyed it so much :p tho so inaccurate sometimes XD

enjoyed what little there was to read, am interested in reading the rest when it is completed

(y) (y) (y)

I'd be happy to help out, or, create a brand new adventure. :-)

Hi Perry,

Very interesting premise. I like it!
The first sentence hooked me, like it should.

You gave the dog a flaw,(being vegetarian), another good hook.

Yup, I think you've got a keeper:)

Aside from editing and finishing up, I think it should do well.

Thanks for the read,
Lee:)

I get the feeling there is more to this story. I like post apocalyptic tales. Here's a few tips to help you.

Nine years is a long time. Stuff left in a grocery store will have rotted or been eaten by rodents, except canned stuff, and most of those will probably have exploded.

Does Jack have a plan or a destination? Putting that in will drive you plot more. And, another good plot point, the relationship between Jack and Riley. How did it happen Riley can talk? This could be a part of Jack's destination, or what he discovers has happened to the world.

Lastly, watch your tenses. If it's all happening as we read it, it's all present tense. Third person limited would be past tense.

All my suggestions are constructive. :-) No personal attack or anything like that. I hope they help you. This story sounds like the start of something really interesting and something I would read if I saw if for sale. Keep up the good work!

Thank you for participating in our
fiction writing contest "My Best Fiction".

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