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I just think that you should pay a little more attention to grammar. But otherwise it was pretty good.
THAT BOOK WAS NOT GOOD AT ALL IT REALLY HAD NO MEANING AT ALL SO MANY MISPELLED WORDS YOU SHOULD SPELL CHECK BEFORE PEOPLE READ YOUR WORK
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Deleted User
then why did you bother reading it
This could be something way better. You should take the time and elaborate on the scenes like scottallen said. And there are a lot of spelling and grammar errors.
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I enjoyed this story -- sad that it's all too common in reality. The dialog rang really true. I actually wanted it to be a little longer -- some of the scenes felt like they were only just long enough to cover the essential dialog, whereas in reality there's always a little more -- "Yo, what's up dog?", etc.
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