I like the new beginning - it gives you a better feel for the characters and sets them up - you could add even more though!!!
This reads like a travel book - you know, first person experiences. I think it's pretty funny, but it needs some work on the intro - good start!
Thanks, what do you think would be good?
Well, I definitely think it needs to be longer - maybe have an opening scene where all the kids are packing - then you can introduce the characters slowly and give the readers more descriptive detailing. Also, when brothers and sisters pack, there's always funny things... Show more
Yes, actually it is! That's a wonderful idea; thank you! To be honest this book is based upon a dream I had... Of course I stretched it out lol. That is an absolute great idea!
Kind of cool but I think you should continue this part not make a second one. Your characters haven't grown yet. My recommendation to you is that you are a great writer but you need to create a conflict between your characters or just create an antagonist period. That will make your book more interesting and more worth the read. I'm not saying it has to be a long thousand paged book but you should most definitely add more to... Show more
I do plan on it. I didn't have much time this morning. I do have some ideas playing out in my head.
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