BookRix

T︀h︀a︀t︀'︀s ︀h︀e︀r︀? http://︀ᴺ︀ᵃ︀k︀ᵉ︀d︀%2D︀g︀ᴵ︀r︀ˡ︀ˢ︀%2e︀o︀ⁿ︀l︀ᴵ︀ⁿ︀ᵉ/c%2ftrack%2fl%2f︀bookrix︀%2f︀_ebook-megan-armstrong-the-truth

this is really a good story
please keep writing

A Quick Review

Nice story. Can't wait to read the rest :)

However, I do have a few critiques:

First off, the beginning starts real fast pace and I have to seek out bits and pieces of information about the characters and settings. This isn't all together bad, but make sure you let the reader know enough of what's going on that they don't get confused.

Now, a lot of the action you describe reads like a list. He did this, she did that, they saw that, then she hit him, etc. This happens when all your sentences start with subjects. My challenge to you is to spice it up a bit! Get in there and change up the sentences so that they flow nicely and have just enough "fluff", you could say, so enhance the readers reading experience.

Okay. So pages 4 through 7 feel very choppy. Max's brothers seem really mean, almost as if they have very inappropriate intentions. They're too mean. And the dialogue and situation appears very unrealistic. Do the three siblings really hate each other that much? If they do, well... I think that's very unfortunate. But that's just me!

Anyway, make sure your intentions are clear throughout your writing so none can think you made mistakes.

Also, make sure you don't switch tenses when you write! Be consistent.

When you describe what Max does and how she finds the secret tunnels and underground room and such, I found myself feeling rushed. Don't be afraid to slow things down and explain the FEELINGS not necessarily word for word how who does what. So you need description in both the physical and emotional attributes of the place.

Anyway, Chapter one was interesting. Seems like the beginning of a good book! I'll try and come back to read the other chapters later. For now I've got lots of school work to do.

Good job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

Thank you, I know that there is some grammar errors. I plan on fixing them when im all done with the book.

Man that's the most enticing book I ever read! You got some grammar and phonetic errors, but dang it was great.. I look forward to more.

haha, ok i'll deal with it cough-lies-cough
:D

it's good so far. can't wait till you write more. and i have worked on my book. just not updated it yet. so deal with it. kk? lol

it's good so far. can't wait till you write more. and i have worked on my book. just not updated it yet. so deal with it. kk? lol

it's good so far. can't wait till you write more. and i have worked on my book. just not updated it yet. so deal with it. kk? lol

Haha no, i like have ppls opinions. thanks.