I read the introduction, and my advice to you is to incorporate this information into the story itself. The way to do this is insert little tidbits of information into the narration, so that it flows seamlessly. Right now, the intro feels like a history book entry. If you integrate this information throughout the first chapter, the readers won't feel like they were just fed word-vomit of background info. That being said, I... Show more
I feel that with a little effort, the whole first half (Intro) of this tale could be incorporated into the story a little more inconspicuously. Other than that, your story seems to be progressing along nicely. I am looking forward to reading in the future. Your grammar is nearly perfect, and, though I do not yet feel an attachment to your characters, I'm sure I will grow to identify with them in the future.
Thank you for your... Show more
So far so good. I think your challenge now is to continue as well as you have. I'm sure it will take much time and effort. Sounds like an epic style of story. I like fantasies, so reading this is easy.
Thanks Hannah and lazarus...I appreciate your comments very much. Hannah, I think your idea about changing the 'intro' is a great idea. I'll work on that, also.
Thank you, Sabrina. Someone else told me the same and I definitely think you guys are correct. This is a rough copy, and I know I'll be making a lot of changes. Thanks for your input. This is the biggest work that I've attempted, ever(!), and though I'm enjoying it, it's also... Show more
Thank you, Sabrina. Someone else told me the same and I definitely think you guys are correct. This is a rough copy, and I know I'll be making a lot of changes. Thanks for your input. This is the biggest work that I've attempted, ever(!), and though I'm enjoying it, it's also intimidating! Thanks again.
Mary
Of course :)
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