good one,The way you described col life is really watching a movie. Really good,you have my vote
Some re-writing is necessary to make this smoother to read. I DO like the story and i am interested in reading more of it. If you polish the sentencing , you will have a winner!./joeparente vote!
John ~ looking forward to the rest of the story!....Paula
Good and interesting story. attention gripping one. ending appears abrupt.
Interesting beginning. I'm not sure where this is heading but your characters are realistic and likable. I would love to read how their personalities would evolve in the story :) You have my vote.