I agree with my predecessors, edit, edit, edit! But at the same time, good hook. I normally don't read stories of this nature but it pulled me in and kept me going, that tells me you are good at plot and pace. Yes, continue to finish this. Would love to see the finished, polished product. Good job. Robynn
Thanks for reviewing my work judy, I appreciate what you have said.
Needs a lot of editing for grammar, spelling, and syntax, but the story line is well-constructed, and the level of knowledge and research on the details of the story are impressive. Good enough for a best-seller, and would make one heck of a great action movie!
Great beginning. Nice hook right from the first page to catch the reader's attention. I'm not sure about giving away so soon that the vice-president was a part of this, but it's difficult to know for sure when I've only read an excerpt. There are a few problems with awkward wording in some sentences and also a few punctuation issues, but these are all fairly easy to correct. I'll pass along some notes privately that I took on... Show more
Thanks joe for your kind words,I know some of it does need looking at and will get round to that in time when i have a bit more down.
It came hard and fast with a fantastic start. That was good!. Some of you comparisons were a bit stretched. Example: He dropped him like a hot log? Some sentencing could be re-worked. All in all I liked the energy that was displayed in your story. You deserve a vote./joeparente
thanks for looking at my work sverre.It is the first part of a much bigger novel i am working on more will be posted shortly.
