There are some very nice things about this short story, among them the building of your two main characters, and the plot building you employed. I too liked the very surprising twist ending; the way you took us down the staircase expecting one thing, and then...:) "A thrilling curiosity took Pelle." Excellent, your use of thrilling instead of simply curiosity without a compelling adjective like thrilling:) Very visual.
I did... Show more
There are some very nice things about this short story, among them the building of your two main characters, and the plot building you employed. I too liked the very surprising twist ending; the way you took us down the staircase expecting one thing, and then...:) "A thrilling curiosity took Pelle." Excellent, your use of thrilling instead of simply curiosity without a compelling adjective like thrilling:) Very visual.
I did notice several places where the subtle differences between your native language and "Literary" English were apparent, but these little things can be addressed by an editor, and the small corrections will make this story exceptionally good instead of just very good. An example where an improvement might be made: Pg. 9. The doors of the closet stood open and a third time sounded a howl through the motel.
"...third time sounded a howl through..." reads strangely "off" to me, and I should think most others schooled their entire life in English grammar. It might better read;
"The doors of the closet stood open, and for the third time a howl filled the wet, thick air of the motel." Or something similar?
I hope this helps somewhat, and that the brief comment makes sense:)
Again, I liked the story very much, and I could "see" each scene nicely.