BookRix

✅ ＷＷＷ.ＤＡＴＥ４ＦＵＱ.ＣＯＭ?_ebook-evercaptivating-gossip-interrupted

Thank you for the informative and helpful review. I will edit and see what I can do. Hugs!

Haha :P This was funny, in a horribly way... But it was very well written! I loved how Natalie kept yelling at the kids and then did nothing when they didn't listen to her. A horrible parenting, yet so funny!

However, I do have some critiques:

The first sentence in the book is extremely long, but it fits and is easy to understand! However, when you say that Natalie 'turned the doorknob' at the end of the sentence, I wonder where she is and where she's going.
Outside?
Inside?
Into the bathroom?
Into the kitchen?
Into the garage?
Maybe you could simply add a word or something of the like to the end of the sentence to clarify.

I know you do say that she goes outside in the next paragraph, but a little heads up might be nice. Whatever you decide.

Also, your sentences tend to lean towards being very long when you describe things that are going on. The story was too short for me to see if you continued the wordy sentences too much. But the long ones in the beginning fit almost perfectly! :)

Overall, this was a very funny piece. The conversation was a bit startling and I couldn't believe what the two women were willing to talk about! How horrible!

But very nicely done.
Your writing style is very nice and the story flowed smoothly!

Great job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

It’s a funny situation for a mom indulged in a juicy gossip. The one sided phone call and yelling part is quite a reality. Good idea!

I don't write about my life, it's too boring and it's more fun to make it up.

This piece is okay... I wanted it to be a bit more funny, but I got cut short and had to take everything out for the One-Sided Conversation contest. After that, I never touched it again. :P

Style? Cool! Refreshing? Sweet! You are ever so awesome bambina!

I like your style, reading your stories is so refreshing. And this dialogue might be reality... but is hopefully not.