BookRix

it amazes me that so many people like it, and i'm really glad. i'm sorry i haven't put up any more, i started this years ago and i've been focusing on college and other things at the moment but i will try to get back to it. :)

Obviously with the hearts and comments you should add more. We need more details and what has happened. Who was the girl. Why were you looking for her. Who found her. Please write more. This has great potential just write more!

My oh my, a very good start! It's a great hooker, that's for sure. I'm talking about this wonderful piece of art you've got put up in the form of a 'book'. haha :)

I could feel the paranoia, the fear, and even the rain patting me on the shoulders and slapping me on the cheeks.

This was wonderfully written. Could be a full blown novel! :D You're got skill, make sure you use it. Cause this could be a best seller, though I hope it's not gory...

But keep writing the story. It'll be worth it in the end.

Outstanding job!
Keep writing, seriously!

---RbG

its awesome this is a great beginning trust me ive read a whole lot a books and this is one that catches your attention i really hope u write more cause its way to good potential to only be one page so pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez right more :)

plezz write more tell mee wat happen plezz its really good

The other comments are correct. You could and should develop this story more. Still, I think it's worth a vote. You have mine.
Augustus.

Your right, it's not really finished.It was a this English assignment we had to do. The teacher gave us a sentence and we had to write a story from it. The sentence was "it was the wrong house" I wasn't sure it would count but it's one of the best things I've written and I really wanted some feedback. I'm glad I got it, thanks. :)
(I am 17 years old and have only been writing, or at least actually trying to write, for about two years. I have much improved and i'm glad that more than just my friends think my work is pretty good.)

I gave your story my best shot. Unfortunately, I did not really understand what was going on. Perhaps you could add some more -- you probably have more words allowed. Flash fiction has to be a complete story - beginning, middle and end. I felt this one did not quite have all three components.