BookRix

I was deeply moved. All that doubt, no self-esteem, the voices keeping her locked up in misery. Wow, great job of writing; producing such a sadness to reflect on.

Your story really touched me :-) Susan is such a complex charakter and you feel with her.

Review - It definitely fills the reader with questions, and makes you think. This is a strong story, that could use some fleshing out. More background. Little less in her head, and more of what is going on around her. I got a little lost during the party scene. But you did well in tying it together in the end. Need to intersperse her name more with 'she' in the beginning. Many sentences started the same way, 'she went to the store' - 'she looked at the mop'. Try varying the sentence structure.

Over all, great start here. It would be interesting to see where 'Susan' ends up after fracturing and becoming someone else. Good job. Robynn

very catching and an enjoyable read. i agree - a prequel would be a good idea.

thanks for your comment, it's hard to get stuff read on here sometimes. I'm considering writing a prequel or just lengthening it, but I wasn't sure if enough people would like it. Thanks for your support.

Your blurb is very catching. I liked the short story. I think it can be developed into something longer, maybe could explain why she has so many fears in her, what happened when she was younger.